| Special Chocolate Ice Creams for Annoying People :) |
  Chocolate Lollies - hooray! I thought I'd help them out with a new range, based on mildly annoying personality traits (the sins having been done). I wrote them a letter but they never even answered (sob!) But as the summer is coming, I thought I'd publish it here anyway: Dear Magnum people, I just wanted to let you know how great I thought your 7 Deadly Sins were, especially Gluttony, which I could eat all year. Greed was good too but a bit pricey, and Jealousy was nearly as good. I was curious about Lust but could never find one, and when I realised I’d somehow missed Sloth too I didn’t bother with the rest, especially Vanity, which wasn’t my sort of thing. But I did think you’d be overjoyed with my suggestions for next year’s range: the 7 Irritating Minor Character Flaws. I’ve included a few extra in case you didn’t think all of them were suitable: 1) Irritability. This exciting innovation in ice cream has space dust / pop rocks and bits of candy floss stuck to the chocolate casing. The inside is vanilla ice cream, although it says chocolate on the wrapper. 2) Envy. This one is packaged in a cardboard box, so you can’t tell until you open it that they are all slightly different sizes. 3) Complacency. This one is a slab of vanilla ice cream in a wrapper, without any chocolate or a stick. After all, they’ll probably bring their own teaspoon and a chocolate bar to go with it won’t they. 4) Lateness. This one hasn’t quite frozen yet. But when it does, it will be really good, I promise. 5) Hypochondria. This one has a centre of bright yellow and green lemon and lime sorbet, coated in red raspberry sauce and a white sugar-frosted lemon casing with lots of cracks in it. So refreshing! 6) Compulsive Tidiness. (click for more)
This one has a plastic casing at the bottom to catch any drips. But if it does drip, don’t worry, because it’s only ice! That’s right: the purest, frozen, filtered water! Comes with two sachets of Handy Wipes for cleaning the wrapper. 7) Social Awkwardness. A refreshing casing of blackcurrant ice will dye your mouth purple all day. Inside, the delicious raspberry ice cream contains real dental anaesthetic to stop you speaking properly. 8) Depressive Personality. This seemingly ok chocolate coating contains nothing but a hollow empty space. But there’s something written on the stick! It says, “Why bother with ice cream, it’s only for me anyway.” 9) Bossiness It doesn’t matter what’s in this one because it’s five times as big as the others and already breaking out of it’s wrapper when you pick it up, so you have to buy it. Sometimes even the freezer door can’t shut on it. 10) Attention Seeking This bright red ice lolly is decorated with sparkles and flavoured with real summer berries, with seeds you’ll be picking out of your teeth for the rest of the day. The wrapper is super loud and crinkly. 11) Whininess This delicious ice cream lolly contains bubbles of real helium to elevate your vocal pitch and comes with a free nose clip. But it isn’t as big as the others. 12) Hyperactivity This exciting lolly has a bright orange coating with extra tartrazine to keep you on the go! And what’s that strangely fizzy ice cream? Could it really be Mountain Dew? Who cares! Let’s do something else! (c) 2009 A Treshansky. All rights reserved.                 |
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